In His Time

Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of having lots of babies. Never was there a question of if I'd have children (God-willing), but rather when I'd have children. I had it all figured out...I'd meet Prince Charming, he'd sweep me off my feet, we'd get married, and have three babies, each three years apart. If you know me at all, you know that I love a well-orchestrated plan. Sounds like a pretty good one, huh?

Well, for once God and I were on the same track. Don't misunderstand me, I always want what God wants for me...I want to live according to His will, but His will and what I think I want aren't always the same thing. Does that make any sense? Basically, what I'm trying to say is that since I don't seemingly know what God's will is for me sometimes I want other things...even though what I ultimately want is whatever He wants.

Okay...moving on.

I met a country boy my Prince Charming, had my fairy-tale wedding, and one year later (nearly to the day) found out I was sharing my body with our first child. Three years and twelve days after giving birth to our sweet baby girl, I gave birth to our second child...exactly as planned.

Here's where the story turns. Once we came home from the hospital and got settled into our new normal as a family of four I often wondered if I had taken things into my own hands and out of His will. I honestly cried for the first few days, weeks, I don't even know how long. Emma had gotten used to being the center of my world and her little brother was cutting into that. Don't get me wrong...she LOVED him...but she HATED me. That's how it seemed anyway. I couldn't do anything right. I tried to make special time for 'just her' whenever I wasn't nursing or when he was sleeping...but at those times she didn't want anything to do with me. When I had to be tending to his needs she would sit at my feet and scream hysterically cry. Every day was a meltdown. I would honestly count down the hours until I could put her in her bed and kiss her goodnight. I thought to myself on numerous occasions that I should have either: (a) had my babies closer together so that Emma wouldn't have been so used to being 'it', or (b) waited until she was in school so that I could have had more time with just her and she would have been old enough to better understand what was going on.

Fast forward to present time.

We still have the occasional meltdown, and there are still times when Emma wants my undivided attention...but things are SO MUCH better. I don't question my timing anymore. I realize that God's way isn't always the easy way, but it is always the perfect way. I am so thankful that He has loaned His children to me, and if it's in His will I hope to raise more of them...in His time...whatever that may be.

Things have definitely changed in the past 7 1/2 months.

E is such a big help (when she wants to be), and some days

I honestly don't know what I would do without her help!

Notice her mouth...I may or may not do the same thing when

I feed him...and there may or may not be pictures to prove it

that may or may not have found their way to the trash can. =)

All things new...

  Luke Man sat in the 'floppy seat' for the first time during our weekly trip to the grocery store on Monday. I'm pretty sure he loved it! :)

Real sweet potatoes...as opposed to the baby food form.

With the right elevation he can hold his own bottle...so sweet!

Of course his big sis thinks it's absurd to expect a baby to

feed himself, so she rescued him from the heinous act. :)

Love my babies...